Parties and Personas

 Some weeks are chaotic. Not in a headless chicken sort of way. But simply filled with too many people, too many voices and opinions. The introvert in me can only tolerate interactions once a day with a select set of people; the kind I know won't read too much into my silence. And, perhaps a meet-up once a month. But when you have multiple cozy sets of friends, and you need to give each group its due attention, it amounts to a lot of conversation. Moreover, if you are the kind that prefers silence over speech, and would like to generally be invisible at a party, it also means that you need to hype yourself up a bit. Oh, lord is that work!

Of course, parties have their perks. You get to put on a nice dress, pick your jewelry, and such. But frankly, that's it for me. Once you make your entrance, take your pictures, compliment, and thank the host, is there anything else to 'do' at a do? You could quietly slip away before the condensed water from your glass can touch the table. And it would matter to no one!

And let's not even start with the obligation to make conversation. A real party spoiler for someone like me.  Especially, if your idea of a party is brand new pajamas, floor seating, messy, chompy food, and a bunch of close friends. There is also the guilt of being rude if you choose to be silent in a corner. At times, I wish I could hire someone to do the talking for me. The reactions, the interjections, the 'so what do you do' is tiresome after the first 30 minutes. Something that can be easily avoided if it's your regular group of friends. 

Then again, the slightly lacklustre part about hanging out with your friends is that you hardly ever put in the effort to make it seem like a 'something'. These are people who've seen your puffy teary face, food-stained clothes and have guffawed at you because you snort while speaking. The effort to bring out your best for them seems like something they really deserve. But a well-laid table feels too formal for people who are in and out of your kitchen regularly. 'You don't have to be so formal with us,' they say. And you wonder, did the little effort to make them feel special, put in a wedge of distance. Is that how all friends generally are or is it a very Indian thing? 

Which makes me wonder, what would the ideal gathering be like for me? 

Well, for starters, I'd be a grrrreat cook! I'd have the energy and creativity to patiently dish out a fancy fare. The best serveware would be elegantly and properly arranged. Fresh flowers would decorate each room. Gentle music would fill in conversational lulls. Everyone would be asked to come wearing whatever they wished to wear -bling and baubles, jeans or sweats. Whatever the mood for the day demands. Once they arrive, I'd take the first half hour to introduce everybody, then I'd turn up the music, pick up a drink, ask them to help themselves, sit back, and relax. 

Can one be a guest at their own party? It's not a bad idea, to be honest. There is a lot of warmth and delight in hosting. But there is greater fun in silently watching others have a good time. 

Well, that would be my do. Though I doubt how popular that would make me! 

The thing is, parties are stressful. Gatherings not so much. And there is a marked distinction between the two, even if your guest list is the same. 

A party is where a good time is had and you go home feeling heady, tired or perhaps hungover. You collect news without revealing too much about yourself. It is a show where each one puts on a polished performance. A gathering though is where you have intimate chats. There is laughter punctuated by comfortable quietude. The food doesn't make a statement and the heels are kicked off at the door. 

I guess each of us has a party persona. I'd prefer to be an observer at a party and a party person at a close gathering. Truly the best of both worlds then. What about you? How do you survive?