Adult friendships baffle me. What forges a relationship between individuals that then gets labelled as ‘friendship’?- Similar interests? Mutual dislikes? Familiar values? What creates a clique and sets the terms for membership?
Extroverts of course find it easy to build their own tribe. Introverts are happy being left alone. And then there are people like me- ambiverts who stay on the fringe just so that they have the luxury of participating in or sitting out the sport that is socialization, at will.
And sometimes I think, that is a tougher role to assume.
Over the years as I’ve observed the merry-go-round that is clique politics, I find there’s more sense in silence. Close friends or acquaintance; at any time, in any situation, the lesser said the better. You’ll probably be invited to fewer parties (no complaints), you might be the object of scrutiny, you might earn a few adjectives too. But you’ll have your sanity around you and nothing beats the peace it brings along.
Choose your audience, I have to remind yourself. Don’t give in to obligations -
Don’t laugh if it isn’t funny. Don’t agree because everyone else does. Don’t criticise in order to belong. Expect nothing from anyone. Be willing to show up where it makes a difference. Keep your opinions to yourself because no one cares anyway. And lend an ear because that’s what most people are looking for. I think that is the path to staying connected without diving too deep.
What an artful, skilful game of tiptoe this can be. A real dance. Look for no logic, guard your territory, and just maybe you will be fine.
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