The house is very still. It's 11:30pm, and I realize M is still not home. The TV is flashing braindead shows. I've got nothing to do other than tap away at my blog. It's been a while anyway.
I have few readers (mostly *cough* family *cough*) but every now and then some friend of a friend's friend bumps into me and tells me they like following my blog. *smug sigh* Osh Loves has managed to edge out of the circumference of family and friends.
Someone asked me yesterday if I'd ever write a book. Like that hasn't come to my mind before. The number of failed attempts, since age nine, is countless. And at this point in life, the entire project feels unnecessary.
Sometimes I really hate words. They can be so useless, hurtful, hateful, pushy and binding. I want to tell my brain and everyone else around me to simply shut up (well, actually I want to say a lot more than that but i'm a good girl)!
I wake up everyday these days feeling thankful for the steady flow of work coming my way. For being able to write something that will be printed in black and white with my name stamped on it forever. I love the feeling. And I pray that it stays.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish these words could also leave me alone. Because then I'd get to experience what dead silence feels like. I can hear my thoughts without it sounding like a third person narration (yes, I do that. Don't tell me you haven't ever tried it).
Every once in a while, I wish I could lock myself in a room with nothing but a soft bed, totally ignoring the letters gnawing at the door.
And yet, I can never bring myself to detach from it all. For as much as I detest language and letters at times, fact is, I depend on it with my life.
Without these words, existence would be nothing close to life.
So, thank you dear words. You've been with me since the day I learnt to read. I know you'll lead me down the yellow brick road to a really happy place.
I have few readers (mostly *cough* family *cough*) but every now and then some friend of a friend's friend bumps into me and tells me they like following my blog. *smug sigh* Osh Loves has managed to edge out of the circumference of family and friends.
Someone asked me yesterday if I'd ever write a book. Like that hasn't come to my mind before. The number of failed attempts, since age nine, is countless. And at this point in life, the entire project feels unnecessary.
Sometimes I really hate words. They can be so useless, hurtful, hateful, pushy and binding. I want to tell my brain and everyone else around me to simply shut up (well, actually I want to say a lot more than that but i'm a good girl)!
I wake up everyday these days feeling thankful for the steady flow of work coming my way. For being able to write something that will be printed in black and white with my name stamped on it forever. I love the feeling. And I pray that it stays.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I wish these words could also leave me alone. Because then I'd get to experience what dead silence feels like. I can hear my thoughts without it sounding like a third person narration (yes, I do that. Don't tell me you haven't ever tried it).
Every once in a while, I wish I could lock myself in a room with nothing but a soft bed, totally ignoring the letters gnawing at the door.
And yet, I can never bring myself to detach from it all. For as much as I detest language and letters at times, fact is, I depend on it with my life.
Without these words, existence would be nothing close to life.
So, thank you dear words. You've been with me since the day I learnt to read. I know you'll lead me down the yellow brick road to a really happy place.
Hummmmmm............ words, sometimes they run, at other times they walk, sometimes they are sad, happy, sometimes one does want them all to shut up, but dear, we wouldn't be what we are without these words...
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